Currently Reading
Beach Bite Bingo
By Dr. Teeth
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They've turned simple blogging into a cross between brain surgery and rocket science.. Xanga sends me an email begging to come back and how I've been missed.. Then they have the nerve to tell me how new and improved Xanga is now.. Personally, I prefer the "Old & Lousy" version over the "New & Improved" version.. It took me 20 minutes just to figure out how to type this entry.. To those that run Xanga? Change isn't always a good thing... I used to be able to log on and with one click, I could start typing.. Now, I have to go through some internet scenic route and other electronic pages just to get started.. This has convinced me that this will be my last post to xanga... The Xanga people didn't even give me the option of keeping things the way I wanted and had.. They just came barreling in and took over and made universal changes without my knowing... And here I thought communism was dead.. Anyway..

I want to make an apology to all the parents of past girlfriends I had when I was a kid... Even the parents of those girlfriends who actually liked and loved me (with the exception of the parents of my first wife)... The incessant calls to your daughters at all hours of the day and night and the countless times in a 24 hour period...

I make this apology because I now know how you felt then... The knowing that the next time the phone rang, it was gonna be him!!! ...  ... Sitting near the phone so when it rang, you'd start to tremble in fear that the voice on the other end would be the bain that made you pray for permanent hearing loss... Sandpaper ripping at your ear drums... Reaching for the phone and noticing your hand glancing past that prescription bottle you kept handy nearby and gave the fleeting thought: "Gee, if I took just one or two extra pills, the calls, the voice, and the incarnate evil on the other end of the line would go away." ... ...

Yes, I now know that phenomenon that makes hanging out with all those demons from the tv show "Charmed" seem like a reunion gathering of old lost friends from your high school days... The moments when you sit back in your easy chair, close your eyes and imagine that "Fantasy Island" is real, and you just paid Mr. Roarke a million bucks to be the hero in a real-life  scene from "Dawn Of The Dead (The original)" At least you can legally shoot the zombies and have fun doing it, with no repercussions... I speak of that penniless, out-of-work, evil enigma that is the Rosemary's Baby to every parent with a daughter... I speak of what every married man used to be... I speak of ... ... THE BOYFRIEND!!! ... ...

As the parent of the object of his affections and hormones, I tried to be a good sport about it all... I offered to take him shark fishing, I offered to show him how to sharpen a real harpoon, I offered to teach him how to parachute out of a plane, I don't hunt, but I offered to take him ...  ... I even offered to demonstrate what Keel-Hauling was when he asked about it after browsing my pirate collection... The Wuss dosen't like the water, he's a wanna-bee member of PITA, and believes in keeping both feet on the ground... This isn't over yet.. He's got a sister and I've got 2 sons... Revenge is a dish best served COLD!!! This is gonna take further research... I will prevail!!! In my best Arnold voice: "U'll be baak!!!"

Remember, Biting does a body good... You will be bitten...

Hugs, Bites & Stuff. . .. .. . .. . ...   ... ...

Currently Reading
Beach Bite Bingo
By Dr. Teeth
see related

I had the miserable opportunity of sitting through dinner at Joey's restaurant recently.. I sat down and drinks were brought and we proceeded to go up for the buffet.. We got back to the table and began eating and I noticed that the loud talking people around me were all talking on their cell phones.. An older couple sitting at a table next to us had this older woman almost yelling into the phone at her grandson son Scotty!!! I listened to her for a full 15 minutes while trying to enjoy my General Tsao's Chicken.. Others were yacking too on their phones too.. I had enough.. I was about to have my first public confrontation with a cell phone user..

I got up and walked over to the table, snatched the phone from the lady and said into it: "Scotty, two to beam up! Kirk out!".. Then I snapped the phone shut and handed it back to her.. The lady and her husband look at me with complete contempt as I lean over their table and tell them loud enough where others can hear me too 

"Ma'am, It's bad enough that I have to contend with inconsiderate idiots of the cell phone age on the highway, but I don't have to contend with you all when I'm eating dinner!" -She starts to interupt, but I cut her off, continuing- "When you and I were children, we were told by our parents that the dinner table was the place for eating and not playing.. We were told to leave the toys away from the table.. And we did what we were told.. If you want to talk on the phone, take it outside or better yet, endanger someone's life and take it out to some highway! If you wish to have dinner, then by all means, enjoy the fine cuisine of the Empire Buffet~.. But leave the friggen phone OFF!!!"

When I was done chastising the lady, I could see and hear other people around the restaurant snapping their cell phones shut or signing off.. The Empire Buffet~ got pleasantly quiet.. Those that weren't using phones stood up and clapped their hands.. I took a bow and returned to my table.. The couple got up and left (they probably called Scotty back as they went home via I-95) ... ...

The point of all this is that society has gotten along just fine through history without the need for cell phones.. Cell phones are an awesome piece of technology when an emergency kicks up.. That's what I use mine for.. Otherwise, it's always OFF.. When you get into a car, turn off the phone and DRIVE THE CAR!!! Ya just might save a life (including your own!)... Same when you come to a restaurant.. Turn off the phone and SIT DOWN AND EAT!!! And apparently from the applause I got, others sitting around you don't want to hear it either...

And that's how it was on Saturday.. Anyway..

Remember, Biting does a body good... You will be bitten...

Till next time... Hugs, Bites & Stuff. . .. . .. . ..  .. . .   ...  ...

A few of you might remember a few years back in hottub, a guy that came in using the name Pirhanakeet.. He was my twin brother.. Some of you never had the pleasure of knowing him.. Well, Chris passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack on Tuesday, January 16, 2007.. Like me, Chris would have been 50 years old on February 06.. He will be sorely missed by my family and myself.. Where we were twins, it's especially rough on me personally.. It's a twin thing that only other twins can understand and appreciate..

I just figured that since some of you knew him (and maybe even liked him and made friends with him), I'd pass this unfortunate information onto you.. I'll be flying down to Houston in a few days for the funeral.. Take care for now.. Stay safe and happy...

Chris J. White
February 06, 1957 - January 16, 2007

Currently Reading
The Christmas Bite
By Mr. Fins
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It's been a while since I've posted.. Being sick will do that to ya.. So, I thought I'd take this opportunity to update with some pix to lighten your day and bring you a laugh..

First, I'd like to post the annual Bites For Life Foundation Christmas Card.. It conveys the holiday spirit from all of my imaginary friends that are Foundation Memebers (Hey, it's not like none of you didn't already know I was psychologically unbalanced) ... ...

That stunning redhead with the xmas light adorned antlers is my ex-sister-inlaw.. We're very good friends (I knew something good resulted from that marriage) ... ...

And Newport is on to me.. They learned about my medical practice and have begun posting traffic signs around town and on the local piers.. They're even given thought to posting signs all over Rhode Island.. Can we say "FREE ADVERTISING"? ...  ...

...  ...

And Dr. Teeth (An official at The Foundation ...  ...) collected on bites owed by my ex-wife.. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on independant perspectives ...  ...), Dr. Teeth can sometimes get a little over zealous in his devotion to his work ...  ...

Good work, Dr. Teeth.. A true company biter.. ...  ...

And it turns out Newport has hired an associate friend of Dr. Teeth to keep the marina clean of all those careless partiers that keep driving their cars off the local pier and ridding the closed beaches of those skinny dippers that should be home sleeping at 2 A.M., instead of not paying attention to all those silly "Warning: No Swimming - Sharks" signs posted at all the beaches in the area.. ...  ...

Meet Mr. Munch...

And that's pretty much it for now.. I'm hanging in there.. Got all my shopping done, though I didn't get to set any shopping records this year.. The Monkeecar is in the garage, sitting on bricks.. But come next year, I'm planning to break my last shopping record by waiting till noon on Dec. 24th. and going out and getting all my shopping done in 25 minutes.. Last best record was 40 minutes (It would have been faster, had it not been for that lady Q-Tip who decided to keep parking her shopping cart in every aisle I was trying to go up or down) ...  ...

Remember... Biting does a body good ... You will be bitten...

Till next time... Hugs, Bites & Stuff . .. . .. . .. . . . . ...  ... And Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

Currently Reading
Medicinal Biting
By Mr. Fins
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Tomorrow I go in for my first of 3 surgeries... My teeth are brushed and flossed, nurses will be there and there will be biting... Lots of biting ...  ... Yes, even while under the effects of anesthetic, I will be diligent in my endeavors to my profession ...  ... I have made pre-op arrangements through my lawyer to ban scrubs on all female staff on the surgical team and all nurses must wear their iniform skirts at a length that will reveal a lot of leg..

Then I will have to wait for my hand to heal and then I go in for my shoulder and then I'll also get at least one slipped disc removed.. Hopefully, after all this is said and done, I'll be rid of a lot of the pain I'm experiencing right now.. I just want to be able to pick up my guitar and play it again without having to stop in mid song to wince in pain and shake off the numbing and tingling..

So, I'm gonna head to bed now.. I'll let you know how the surgery went.. And a report on the bite-fest I have planned.. I hope that Asian nurse will be there...  ... So take care for now..

Remember... Biting does a body good... You will be bitten...

Till next time... Hugs, Bites & Stuff... . ... . .. . ...  ...